Anything is fucking possible

If I could go back in time speak to my younger self, just have a cup of coffee with her or in my case when I was younger a blue slushy with sour squirts in it.

I would say…

All those dreams and all those adventures that you want to take, you will, but in a different way. You wont be traveling around the world by yourself, you will be traveling with your beautiful kids and husband who loves you dearly.

Take responsibility for your fuck ups and be truthful about them. Lying gets your no where. Lying its just not worth it.

All those times that you would help others and want something in return, just give and give and give and don’t ever expect anything in return. Treat people that way you want to be treated and those that will do it in return without you asking are the ones that you want in our corner.

You are wild and free, you want to be silly, and make people laugh that does not mean that you are crazy. Be wild and be free!

The world is going to be stressful, there are going to be times where you will think about giving up, don’t my dear. The world is beautiful, you will just have to look at it in a different light.

Be someone who can breathe, and think things through. I know its hard for you. I promise it wont kill you lol Even though you may think it will. When you slow down and think before speaking or think before taking action. It will cause less damage and drama.

Do not waste your time on people that don’t give you the time of day. If you have to constantly start the conversation or constantly ask to hang out with someone, or be the one that’s always putting in the effort. IT IS NOT WORTH IT. Walk the fuck away.

You have the ability to see people for who they are before you get to know them… that feeling you get, that uneasy feeling when you are just standing around people, go with it. That is your gut my dear and that will come in handy when you get older.

You may not see it right now but you are a really good person, you are loyal. I want you to find the courage to be yourself. You will go through all these changes and all these different versions of yourself but don’t ever loose yourself trying to get people to like you. It is not worth it.

Dear new mom,

Right now, everything seems so overwhelming. You may think you have no idea what you are doing. You might even be questioning every move you make. You know what is best for your family. For your new baby. 

I promise you, that none of us have it together. We might look like we do on the outside. We might look like we do in all of our social media outlets, but what you don’t see in the picture is the toys that are scattered all over the floor that we have already picked up a thousand times. What you don’t see is a few seconds before that picture one of our kids just ate cheerios off the floor. Some of us might look like we have it all together, but on the inside, we are losing it. 

I promise you, that all that worrying is normal. No matter what age your children are. We are always worrying about them. If we are doing the right thing. If we are doing enough. Are they getting enough food? Are they learning enough in school? Worrying means that we care. We all want what is best for our children. 

I promise you, that we are all struggling. Struggling is a big part of parenting. It is a learning experience every step of the way. Babies bring new changes that we didn’t even know were possible. As kids grow up, they are new challenges every day. Family and friends and strangers will judge your parenting choices, but they are YOUR choices. What works for their family might not work for yours and that’s okay. They all mean well then they give you parenting advice, they really do. Sometimes it comes off as pushy, or judgment. Follow your gut. 

Being a mom for 11 years I have gone through a fair share of struggles myself. I have learned a lot of lessons, I have made some mistakes, but my kids are doing great. I have learned that I can still do this even on the little sleep that I get. 

Motherhood is intense, it can be really hard sometimes, but it makes you stronger. It makes you realize that you are capable of so much more than you ever thought was possible. There will be times where you have reached your limits. There will be times that your heart explodes with so much love and happiness. 

Just know that you are not alone. That we have all been there. Cry if you need to, ask for help if you need it. 

Motherhood is not easy, but you’ve got this!

I’m a okay mom and I am okay with that.

The standards of how a mother is supposed to be, act, what she is supposed to do, how much is she supposed to do are fucking high and I am done. 

Lately, I have been getting bombarded with all these outrageous expectations from people, these expectations are so high, that it would be like high jumping over the CN Tower without getting the point stuck in your ass. Not going to happen. 

I want to know why do we have to be so ‘Perfect’ Why can’t we just be a okay mom. That okay mom still gets the job done. Yeah maybe we aren’t baking the perfect cake with fondant roses, but the kids are happy, healthy, clothed and bellies are super full. Why can’t that be enough? Why can’t we ever be enough? 

If COVID has taught me anything, that it is okay to not have your shit together. That pile of shit is YOUR shit. Not grandmas, not your moms, not Sindy from up the street. It’s your shit. So however you want to deal with that stinky pile of shit, do it at your own pace. 

Potty training it’s fucking hard. Trying to figure out the cues of when they need to go, setting timers, wondering why everything is wet… did he seriously pee on the new toilet paper roll? If your little man wants to go pee on a tree then the scary porcelain monster, let him. Honestly in my book that’s a damn win! Potty training is not an overnight thing, you cannot snap your fingers like Thanos and make all your potty training woos vanish like dust. It takes time and it also has to do with your child.

So your child hasn’t conquered online learning, that is okay. Us parents were just thrown into the role of being a teacher. Let’s be honest here, a child’s home was not meant to be their school as well, trying to get them to sit down for more than 5 seconds is a damn chore on its own. If you can get them to do 1 math sheet or write their name on paper 5 times. YOU are winning. 

Okay, so you totally forgot to change your laundry over, throw that laundry in the dryer with 17 bounce sheets and away you go. The laundry will always be there, it is like that clingy boyfriend in high school that is just lurking in every corner. If you want to put up your feet and read that book you have been putting off and drink some wine. Girl doo it! That laundry will still be waiting for you to write that love letter back. 

Dishes, dishes, dishes. I used to get mad when men “let the dishes soak” but now that I am a mom and the kids for some reason, they have to get a new plate or cup for every piece of food they ever eat. I swear one half of the peanut butter sandwich goes on one plate, the other half on another. Then we have grapes on a brand new plate and so on. For every sip, they have to get a new cup, and oh man DO NOT give your toddler a colour they don’t want. I let them sit for a bit. Because you know why… fuck it! 

I am done. 

My kids are kind (not so much to their siblings WWF up in here). My kids know their manours, (Sometimes they only say it when they really want something) but they know them. My kids are thriving in school (they might not be the next rocket scientist yet) but they are doing okay and that is all I should ask of them. Is for them to do their best. The more we put pressure on them the more they push away. I want my kids to enjoy learning. 

I am done caring what other people think. I know, I am doing okay.  The kids are not going to remember how much laundry you did, or when you did the dishes. They are not going to remember that one day you swept the dirt under the rug. They are going to remember who was there always and that was YOU. 

So say it with me, I AM DONE. 

I am done listening to everyone tell me how I am supposed to be. 

I am done listening to everyone tell me how I am supposed to do everything. 

I am done caring what people think of me. Rock that hot mess mama all the way to town. 

I am done. 

Yes, some people are not going to like it. They are going to bitch. Let them. Once you start to not give a shit. That is when you can breathe.

“If you could change one thing in your life what would it be?”

Someone asked me the other day

“If you could change one thing in your life what would it be?”

I couldn’t give an answer, not because I didn’t have an answer but because every time I thought of an answer then I would think, well if that didn’t happen then I wouldn’t have had this.

We go through life always wanting more. Of course right its human trait, more is better.

When something goes side ways in life, you say “ugh why does this happen to me” and you think your life is just horrible. Which Ill be honest I have done.

This question has me thinking about so many things. Would I really want to change anything?

I am married to a amazing husband who drives me nuts sometimes but I love him to death and hey I am sure I annoy him too.

I have 4 beautiful children, and a roof over my head and food always available. Is my life honestly that bad?

Yes, sometimes bills are late being paid, and Yes, sometimes I put things back on the shelf even though I really want it but the price tag and just a no no.

But then I come home to this amazing family. This family that just keeps me going no matter what.

To answer that question, I would change being more grateful for things. I feel like humanity and lost the real reasons as to why life is worth living. Everything that has happened in your life, has gotten you to where you are today. Has made you a strong person. To with stand anything that comes your way.

Let’s be honest here, I don’t think you would know what happiness was if you didn’t have the lows in your life as well.

“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.”
― Charles R. Swindoll

Life will throw anything at us, we just need to learn how to deal with it and over come it!

The little things

As a mom to a child with Autism and ADHD , It is the little things that I am most excited about, the little things that are normal to some parents but make us cry with happy tears when it happens.

When they eat something that looks a little funny and don’t get upset and throw it. Or when they come and say sorry for their outburst without you having to ask them. Or when you can walk into the store without them getting upset that you can’t buy them all things.

Sometimes I feel like I am not cut out for this. Sometimes the days just seem to hard. I make a list of all the things that I know will trigger a outburst and I say “yes i’ve got this” then something completely out of left field upsets him.

For those you just had their child diagnosed one thing I know for sure is that there was nothing that you could have done differently to prevent your child from getting Autism or ADHD. I am not going to lie those there will be stress when they have a break down in the middle of a crowded area there will be stares. There will be rude statements and rude questions. There will be people that tell you “wow your child needs to be disciplined better” When at that point when they are in full break down mode, discipline would be pointless. The ones that are uneducated about these things are the ones that will come at you worse. Don’t let them get to you.

The little things are what matters the most, when you are talking to them about something and they make direct eye contact with you! Which took so long for my son to do, a lot of work and training for him to do that. Those are the days hes having a good day!

My son is 8 years old, but acts like a toddler I promise you he is no toddler size. When he has a break down in the middle of store and you have to pick that huge boy up to get him out of the situation that he is stressed about, I promise you is not easy.

With my son everything needs to be on a schedule everything needs to go as planed if one thing is out of place or canceled that could be a big deal and cause a break down. You need to have a back up plan. So if something like Ju jitsu gets canceled you need to come up with another activity fast or already have one that you can do with them. With my son Ju Jitsu is his thing, he loves it. Finding a sport that he was fully into was hard, we tried baseball, soccer, basket ball nothing stuck… but when we found Ju Jistsu he was actually focused and excited to go.

On bad days, when something triggers in him. Honestly I keep saying outbursts but that doesn’t even begin to actually explain what happens. Something simple for example when I ask my son to clean his room, which is one of his triggers if you dont say it correctly “can you clean your room please” that would set him off. If you say “can you do me a favour and grab those toys and put them in the bin” That would be okay because he knows exactly where to start and what to do. But before I figured that one out we had some bad days. He would say he hates himself, and grab a toy and start hitting himself in the face with it. Grab his door and start punching it and stomping. He yells I am so stupid I can’t do this. I found out that telling him exactly what you want him he doesn’t get overwhelmed with everything. Instead of saying “Time to get ready for school” I would say “Can you get your shoes on” Or “Now get your coat on”

I get to those that don’t understand it sounds annoying to constantly have to be very clear has to what you want to get done. To me it makes perfect sense.

Its the small things that are important, because everything I learn something new, every day is another adventure or hurdle . But I promise you it is all worth it! .

My kind of people

I am not going to lie, my house is not perfectly clean, laundry piling up and there is probably something thats been in the freezer well past its time. I am not going to lie that sometimes my children wear the same pants 3 days in a row because its easier to not fight with them.

Sometimes I wish my house looked like the perfect Pinterest or Instagram house, with everything organized and perfectly clean. Let’s be honest are they even real? But I find be I am brutally honest about myself and my house I find my kind of people. The ones the dont pretend to have it all together like me.

Thank you! Thank you for being you. Thank you for not trying to be someone else and thank you for not judging me.

There is nothing worse then walking into a place and everything in amazing, no dust, no toys everywhere no dog hair, nothing its like a staged house. It makes you feel horrible and lazy about yourself and your house and then they have the nerve to be like “sorry about the mess” “Girl what mess?” and they turn the pillow around.. that mess? pfft come on.

but then you walk into a house that its just a hot mess, their hair is in a mom bun on the top of their head, toys everywhere. I respect you! Because I get it. I get that you probably tried to pick up those toys 23049230984 times and then they end up right back where you picked them up. I bet you have been doing laundry every day and it still is piled up. Don’t worry I get it!

There is no one more beautiful to me then someone that walks around with their imperfections and owns it! Because what is perfect?? Nothing… we all have something going on, why hide it. Be YOU… always be you.

Don’t ever think that you need to pretend to be someone else, have to run around and clean up the house quickly because I am coming over. Don’t think that you need to change out of your PJs because I am coming over, Girl tell me i will come over in mine! Because lord knows I dont even want to change myself.

You know what, if we show our kids not to hide who they are, maybe they will grow up to not hide their true selves from anyone. Your friends and family and kids dont need a perfect pinterest house, They dont need a outfit that matches or all the same mugs or cups. They just need YOU.

It may be cute to have your kids all dressed in designer clothes, or all the hottest furniture of 2019. Kids grow up fast, they rather you be spending time with them instead of worrying about the house being a mess… Make that fort with them and let them play with those toys, let the sink pile up because your child wants to play cards.

I am okay with everyone seeing who I really am, because it helps me find the ones that truely understand me. The ones that Id rather be around.

I am enough. and so are you!

I see you…

Hi mom standing in line with screaming kids telling you that this is taking to long… I see you

Hi mom trying to put screaming kids in a carseat… I see you

Hi mom with kids pulling at your arm, another one running around the soccer field while you are trying to watch your other kid play soccer… I see you

Hi mom trying to hold your tears and frustration  in because you have had enough… I see you

I see you all 

We all have been there, or are there right now. Being a parent is hard, being a mom is for sure HARD.

We have to hold is all in, hold ourselves together because we know someone little is watching us.

I will confess something, I am not always good at being a mom. I know some days I totally suck. Every day I make mistakes.

Sometimes I yell when I know you are just looking for some attention and I should be sensitive.

Sometimes I mistake you wanting a hug for you wanting attention.

Sometimes I miss something when I should be paying attention.

But let me tell you something, it is easy to sit there and think of all the negative things that we have done, or not have done.

Think of the things that you have forgot to do, or should have done differently

Just remember you are doing the best you can with what you have!

You’ve got this!

How my kids saved my life

You know growing up there was always that one child they called ‘Troubled’ i was that child.

I would never listen to my parents, i always did the complete opposite they asked me or i would say no and then do what they asked when they weren’t looking just for them to think i was going to rebel.

I always went to parties i wasn’t suppose to,  i drove my brothers care without insurance and without a license.

I rarely did my homework and when i did it was on the bus at the last minute before going to school. I would yell at the teachers and make sure they knew my presence wasn’t a good one.

But i will stop there…

My before kids wasn’t innocent at all.

But then i had a beautiful little girl…

Who is now 7 acts like she is 17…

This little girl with her perfect little nose, and fingers and the BLUEST eyes i have ever seen, i felt like gravity hit me for the first time.

Right then and there i made a change, for myself and for my daughter that i was going to be the best mom i could ever be…

Through all those sleepless nights, and diaper changes and puke stains i felt bad… i felt like i took my parents for granted, i cried some nights thinking how much my mom cried when she had no idea where i was or how many times i told her i hated her.

I thought to myself if my daughter ever told me she hated me it would break my heart. I don’t know how many times i called my mom even now telling her how sorry i was for the way i behaved, and she always joked “i curse you with a child that acted the same way you did with your little attitude”  She forgot to remember that one day she would be having sleep overs with my mini me!

One night, Catching up on my Son Of Anarchy, folding the piles of laundry that i was just avoiding because i was so tired to even think of the word laundry let alone fold it, having a newborn is not the easiest of tasks.  I did not go to college, just high school and i barely got that. I decided right then and there that i was going to go to college, Yep this troubled child was going to make something of herself !

I started my online course. Between spoon full of Bananas and Ginger Chicken, i was doing exams, notes, reading… and i got the degree!

After my daughter, came my son 2 years later…

A couple of years after that we blended our family and my boyfriend now my husband brought in a daughter, now i have 2 daughters and a son.

I wanted to do something else with my life, I started working at a vet clinic, 3 kids, and a job my all time dream job!! working with animals, it was tiring and exciting all at the same time, being at work all day and coming home and taking care of 3 kids.

Then my we added a 4th child our son.

and we got married.

I am now a stay at home mom and i am okay with that, i get to raise 4 beautiful children and be a wife, and one day i will go back to work and work at a clinic, but for now i get to be a mom…

A lot of people and mostly people that don’t have kids say “kids will ruin your life” “Kids will change your life completely” My kids did change my life, but for the better… i found gravity through my kids..

My kids saved me.