My son is a “mamas boy” — and there is nothing wrong with it.

The other day I got accused of raising a mamas boy… like somehow that is a negative thing? 

“He is weak” 

“He needs to toughen up” 

“He is spoiled” 

“He is insecure” 

As I wrote mamas boy, in the search engine, most of what came up were “how to make sure your son doesn’t turn into mamas boy”  “Watch for signs”  Like somehow being a “mamas boy” sounds like they have a disease. 

All this is completely false and garbage. Being close to your mother does not make you all these things, in fact, it is scientifically proven that because of the closeness they develop a great scene of security. Their emotions are stronger and become more independent as they grow up. 

“Mamas boys” are also less prone to violence against women and have more respect for them.  Boys are all-around stronger because of it, emotionally and physically. 

Sadly it seems once it gets put out there on the internet or in people’s minds that, it’s tainted. People are more likely to agree with what society says then what science backs up. 

As mothers we already feel guilty about so many things, we already feel judged about everything single thing we do, now we are being judged because our boys are close to us? To me that is bullshit.  

Okay so let’s get a little more into the research… 

In 2011 there was a study by Science daily of a mother-son relationship. They stated that a son that is not close with their mother or has a rough relationship with their mother tends to grow up as delinquents or grow up to have relationship problems and to be disrespectful towards a woman. 

In 2010 There was a study by American Psychological Association stated that boys that were close to their mothers experience better physical and emotional mental health. 

So if my son wants to cling to me, because I am his safety net, because the world is a scary place. I am going to embrace that. 

Do not allow other people to tell you that it is wrong, don’t ever allow other people to make fun of you or your son because they feel this makes them weaker. This does NOT make your son less of a man when he is older. 

Those people who continue to tell you these things are stuck in the ages where men are not supposed to show their emotions, which I promise you are obnoxious because no one wants to date a robot with zero emotions.  

Loving your mother and wanting to be near your mother and help your mother around the house, does not take their ‘manhood’ away. 

Your son loving you to his fullest means they respect the role you play in their life. Your son needing you means that you are doing your job as their protector. 

I am going to continue to bond with my son, I am going to hold him close because time goes by fast, they grow up fast.

Not everyone is going to like you — It’s okay

I am not going to be liked by everyone, and I am at the point in life… fuck it. 

I am too quiet, which is their eyes means that I am stuck up and don’t want to talk, or too shy.  

I am too loud, which means that I am too outspoken, I am too wild. I give my opinions to much, and I talk too much. 

To some people, I am just a mom with four kids, who probably lost her mind because I have four kids. Who is a hot mess, who doesn’t have enough time to do her hair to its in a mom bum 95% of the time. 

To some people, I am just a mom, who has it all together because her kids are so polite and I look like I have my head on my shoulders. 

Do you see what is happening here? You are either going to be too much for someone or not enough too others. Which if you think about it I am both, quiet and loud and I am okay with this. 

As women, we continue to judge ourselves so harshly because we want to fit in. We over-analyze every little thing we do. We end up wasting so much time on thinking of what other people might be thinking that we miss opportunities to really live our lives. 

And for what? Why do we need approval so bad from others? Approval that no matter what we do there is always going to be someone that doesn’t like you, doesn’t like one think about you. So screw it!

This is YOUR life, This is YOUR journey,  So what, you are not everyone’s cup of tea?

If you want to be a stay at home mom… do it

If you want to be a working mom… do it

If you want to do both… do it

If people don’t like the way you talk, the way you laugh, your sense of humor, screw them. 

If you have dreams like becoming a singer, painter, candlestick maker, do it, chase that dream!

If you want to breastfeed, do it

If you want to formula feed, do it

If you want to wipe out your boob and feed your baby in the middle of a park, do it! 

It is time to end this bullshit. Stop apologizing for who you are. Be wild, Be free!! Own the hot mess you are! Or own that you have it together! 

Stop doubting the choices you make, because they are YOUR choices. People are always going to have opinions, people are always going to think they know better then you do because they have been there done that bought a T-shirt. But they are not YOU, this is your family, not theirs. 

People are not going to like you and that is okay, hey some people might not like you for no apparent reason, because they can. Is this ridiculous, fuck yeah it is, but it’s okay. 

Be who you were meant to be, not what others want you to be! 

The ones that are there for you, the ones that are in your corner those are your people, the ones that don’t care for you at all, the ones that judge everything about you, are not your people. 

And they are not worth your ever loven time.

The P Word

The P word that no one wants to talk about.  

The P word that every mother dreads. 

The P word that a lot of mothers say they won’t get it

Postpartum depression. 

It is 100% real.

It is not in a mother’s head.

It is not something you can just “get over” 

It is not something that is ‘cured overnight” 

It cannot be fixed “by getting out” more. 

The P word makes you feel sad, and cry even when you have no idea what you are upset about.

The P word make you feel so tired, but you can’t sleep

The P word makes you sleep way too much.

The P word makes you eat too much, or might make you not eat at all.

The P word makes your body feel like you are in so much pain but have no idea where it is coming from.

The P word will make you have mood swings like no tomorrow.

The P word will make you feel out of control, can’t remember anything.

The P word will make you feel disconnected to your baby, this does not mean you don’t love your baby, but it may feel that way. 

The P word might happen right after your baby is born, or it might happen months later. 

You are not alone!! 

No there is nothing wrong with you, I promise you, it will get better. If you or any of your friends are feeling these symptoms, please talk about it, call your doctor, talk to your spouse, your friends. You don’t have to battle the P word alone.

Being a mother is a thankless job

Being a mother is a thankless job. 

We do the things, and don’t expect a thank you, or a good job. 

We don’t wait to be asked to do something, we just do it.

But it’s always nice to hear and when we do hear it, it makes us feel more appreciated that someone noticed that we did something, even though that something happens every day. 

Even though we have done all the things and more. I still ask myself “Did i do enough?” “Did I miss something that I should have done?”

To be seen and encouraged by the people that mean the most to you, the people that you do the most for, it’s just amazing. 

What I long to hear, and I promise it’s pretty simple spouses and children… 

“I noticed that you cleaned _____  and it looks awesome”

I am constantly cleaning the kids’ bedrooms, and the kitchen and the living room and doing the laundry, but I feel like it’s just expected and it’s kinda sad. I promise you it’s not some magical cleaning fairy. 

“Thank you mom for everything you do”

I am constantly picking up after them, constantly finding this and that. “Mom where’s my ___” the fact that you don’t even have to finish the sentence means I am paying attention more than you think

“Thank you for spending time to prepare this dinner for us”

Man, the amount of time lately that I have been making all the meals, I cannot wait till we can eat take out again without being scared. I would rather thank yous then, ew this is gross or why did you make this tonight. I wanted that. 

“Wow you have a way with the kids, you are amazing”

Sometimes I feel like I have no idea what I am doing, sometimes I feel like the kids are just feral and It’s really hard sometimes to get them under control. 

“The kids and I are so lucky to have you”

I feel like I am just here to make sure the house runs smoothly, sometimes I feel like I am a robot and everyone just expects me to pick and clean up after them. 

These simple words.. These simple thank yous just make everything better, they just make it seem like you are completely appreciated in the house! 

I know they do me! 

Little ones, big emotions

There are a lot of things that we wouldn’t even do as an adult. 

Do you expect your kids to do things that you wouldn’t even do as an adult? 

Do you ever yell at your kids to calm down when they are upset for a good reason? Are you able to calm down right away when you are upset because someone told you too? 

I know personally that I can never calm down when someone tells me, in fact it makes me more upset, because now I am upset that I can’t calm down. 

Kids care about one thing, being able to get their needs met, whether it’s being fed, being hugged, getting that toy that they want, you playing with those toys, you listening to their stories. 

Whatever it is, there is always a good reason they are upset, even if we think it is silly. 

I found once I understood this, my focus changed. From “uh, these kids never listen” to “What is it they really need right now” 

Those freak out, those meltdowns and those storm out of the room moments, are not ‘bad behavior’ they are your child telling you something is wrong. We as adults, as their parents need to help them find a different way of showing their emotions. That is the only way they know how. 

It is amazing when you can defuse a melt down, instead of escalating the situation to the beyond out of control, no return freak outs. 

Figure out what is upsetting them if you have not already, they might need something that they just can’t get, or can’t have. You might have told them not today. The thing that they need or want is very present in their emotions. 

Help your child express themselves in a different way, Telling them to calm down, telling them you need to stop will only make things worse because if they could calm down then they would have already.

This would be like your best friend or husband telling you to calm down when you are upset with something that was really important to you. 100% that would make it worse would it?
“Don’t tell me to calm down!! This is upsetting to me” well your child feels the same way.

Connecting with your child a different way, will help build your relationship with that child, instead of your child thinking “mom never understands and just yells at me” it will turn into “my mom really cares about why I am upset” and they will start to learn to control why they are upset and it will become easier to calm those little/big emotions down.

Self care should not be optional.

As mother’s or women, we are told that we must take care of everyone else before we can take care of ourselves. 

Even as far back as the 18th century woman stayed home and took care of the farm and the children. That was our role. 

If we decided to do something for ourselves we were considered selfish or a witch. 

By constantly taking care of everyone else, you end up losing yourself. 

Putting everyone first before yourself doesn’t make you a good mother or wife, you’re not being your best self by not taking care of YOU

You end up just in survival mode. Just simply going through the emotions. Pretending like everything’s okay. 

A mombie. 

Taking care of yourself doesn’t have to involve spending money. Take a longer bath, read that book that has been collecting dust on your dresser. Do that free online course that you have been wanting to take, or even spend a little money to do something for yourself.

 IT IS OKAY!! 

Today, I added some 2 things to my amazon cart and freaked out because it was 30 bucks and I went over and over again in my head all the things that the kids said they wanted or needed and I hummed and hawwed at the fact oh maybe I shouldn’t get it. But I did it. I hit the order. I felt a little bad at first but at the same time pretty excited, happy that I got something for myself. 

Self care should not be optional.

According to a survey by healthy women and working mothers,  78% of moms put off doing anything for themselves first. Mothers were 5th down the line… they came after their pets even!!

I get it, there is not enough time in the day. I feel at this point that is just an excuse… take some time. Set that time aside. As your spouse, okay it’s time for me time… or even later when everyone is asleep. Have that extra long bath or shower or watch that show you have been dying to watch. Yes you might be tired in the morning but coffee could fix that! 

I promise once you take that time for yourself you will feel so much better!

To The Mom Who Stays Up Late

When 9:30pm changes to 12:30am as I sit up late catching up on my TV shows, and social media and finish the next few chapters of my book that I am reading. I think to myself “Man I am going to be so tired in the morning” but these moments that I am up late are the moments that I need. The moment of silence, my ‘Me Time’.

Having a house hold of 6 can be crazy, there is always someone in any room, even the bathroom you think that is a place you can go and get a minute, it is not. Either kids are knocking at the door or just flat out opening it or husband… even the dog pokes his head through the tiny crack in the door if I don’t shut it all the way.

Yes, I am still going to have to get up, after maybe only getting 5 hours of sleep. So if surviving on 5 hours sleep and lots and lots of coffee is what I have to do, to have some ‘Me Time’ I am going to do it.

I understand that there are several articles stating you can build up “sleep debt”  it can be harsh on your health which is true, But there are also ones that state “Me Time” 

 is important too.

I am not saying you have to pick one… either have sleep or me time, that’s just the time I use. If you want to keep both have some ‘Me Time’ and get your beauty sleep then do both!!

Telling your partner that I need a minute and ask him to watch the kids while you go out, I get it..  “I don’t have time for that” “when am I going to add me time into the mix of after school activities, laundry, dishes etc.” You’re going to have to make that time. Even if it’s just going to the coffee shop and sitting at a table , having a coffee and donuts, or a walk around the street.

This doesn’t mean you are “selfish” you are allowed to think of yourself once in awhile. It’s important. Taking some time for yourself is good for your kids just as much as it is good for you.

Happy mom, Happy kids.