In our public school there weren’t the popular kids and the unpopular kids. It was a small town and everyone knew everyone. Everyone was invited to each other’s birthdays because our parents grew up with each other and honestly we were young and innocent and hate wasn’t even thought of.
Once we made it to high school that is when it all changed. There were clicks. Everyone went into their little groups. Band kids, jocks, popular girls and computer people. I trotted into school like everything was going to be the same. I was wrong.
The popular girls never bothered me, they stuck to themselves talking about all pretty and pink things. The ones who ended up bullying me were who I thought were my best friends. Right, I know plot twists. It all started because a boy liked me and not them. A boy of all things came between us. I never even thought twice about pursuing it, because your girls come first right?
They came in like a force of nature. Pushing me down in the halls, writing bad things on my locker. Spreading outrageous lies about me. The thing is they knew all my secrets, they knew exactly what would hurt me the most.
Your worst enemies are the ones that know you the best.
I was holding myself together with duct tape and happy thoughts. I didn’t want to go to school, I would do my best to hide.. It was a terrible feeling. I felt sick, I would barely eat anything. I refused to talk to my parents about it because I figured they wouldn’t understand.
No matter how hard I tried to understand why they were doing these things to me, it felt like I would never belong anywhere.
But honestly I want to thank them, of course I will never forget the pain that they put me through, I will never forget the way they made me feel like I was shit on their shoe.
People who put others down, are suffering from a battle that we just don’t see, they are going through something that they refuse to let anyone know and project it on other people, this taught me compassion.
This taught me to love all walks of life, to treat others the way you want to be treated no matter how they treat you.
This taught me to look beyond what they looked like and connect with their experiences in life, to stop and listen.
This taught me to be strong, because no matter what comes at me now, I will know how to handle it.
This has taught me to see the signs in my kids if they are being bullied. This has taught me to know how to speak to them about bullying.
I am not thanking them for their behaviour and I am not giving them credit for my happiness, but that experience has taught me so much.
I am thanking them because they showed me what not to be, they showed me that no matter what pain or suffering that I go through, I will use that to be more kind, to be more passionate to be more open and listen to others suffering.
I chose to use the darkness that surrounded me and become a flower. I outgrew your words and your hate and became the person that I wanted to be.