The little things

As a mom to a child with Autism and ADHD , It is the little things that I am most excited about, the little things that are normal to some parents but make us cry with happy tears when it happens.

When they eat something that looks a little funny and don’t get upset and throw it. Or when they come and say sorry for their outburst without you having to ask them. Or when you can walk into the store without them getting upset that you can’t buy them all things.

Sometimes I feel like I am not cut out for this. Sometimes the days just seem to hard. I make a list of all the things that I know will trigger a outburst and I say “yes i’ve got this” then something completely out of left field upsets him.

For those you just had their child diagnosed one thing I know for sure is that there was nothing that you could have done differently to prevent your child from getting Autism or ADHD. I am not going to lie those there will be stress when they have a break down in the middle of a crowded area there will be stares. There will be rude statements and rude questions. There will be people that tell you “wow your child needs to be disciplined better” When at that point when they are in full break down mode, discipline would be pointless. The ones that are uneducated about these things are the ones that will come at you worse. Don’t let them get to you.

The little things are what matters the most, when you are talking to them about something and they make direct eye contact with you! Which took so long for my son to do, a lot of work and training for him to do that. Those are the days hes having a good day!

My son is 8 years old, but acts like a toddler I promise you he is no toddler size. When he has a break down in the middle of store and you have to pick that huge boy up to get him out of the situation that he is stressed about, I promise you is not easy.

With my son everything needs to be on a schedule everything needs to go as planed if one thing is out of place or canceled that could be a big deal and cause a break down. You need to have a back up plan. So if something like Ju jitsu gets canceled you need to come up with another activity fast or already have one that you can do with them. With my son Ju Jitsu is his thing, he loves it. Finding a sport that he was fully into was hard, we tried baseball, soccer, basket ball nothing stuck… but when we found Ju Jistsu he was actually focused and excited to go.

On bad days, when something triggers in him. Honestly I keep saying outbursts but that doesn’t even begin to actually explain what happens. Something simple for example when I ask my son to clean his room, which is one of his triggers if you dont say it correctly “can you clean your room please” that would set him off. If you say “can you do me a favour and grab those toys and put them in the bin” That would be okay because he knows exactly where to start and what to do. But before I figured that one out we had some bad days. He would say he hates himself, and grab a toy and start hitting himself in the face with it. Grab his door and start punching it and stomping. He yells I am so stupid I can’t do this. I found out that telling him exactly what you want him he doesn’t get overwhelmed with everything. Instead of saying “Time to get ready for school” I would say “Can you get your shoes on” Or “Now get your coat on”

I get to those that don’t understand it sounds annoying to constantly have to be very clear has to what you want to get done. To me it makes perfect sense.

Its the small things that are important, because everything I learn something new, every day is another adventure or hurdle . But I promise you it is all worth it! .

My kind of people

I am not going to lie, my house is not perfectly clean, laundry piling up and there is probably something thats been in the freezer well past its time. I am not going to lie that sometimes my children wear the same pants 3 days in a row because its easier to not fight with them.

Sometimes I wish my house looked like the perfect Pinterest or Instagram house, with everything organized and perfectly clean. Let’s be honest are they even real? But I find be I am brutally honest about myself and my house I find my kind of people. The ones the dont pretend to have it all together like me.

Thank you! Thank you for being you. Thank you for not trying to be someone else and thank you for not judging me.

There is nothing worse then walking into a place and everything in amazing, no dust, no toys everywhere no dog hair, nothing its like a staged house. It makes you feel horrible and lazy about yourself and your house and then they have the nerve to be like “sorry about the mess” “Girl what mess?” and they turn the pillow around.. that mess? pfft come on.

but then you walk into a house that its just a hot mess, their hair is in a mom bun on the top of their head, toys everywhere. I respect you! Because I get it. I get that you probably tried to pick up those toys 23049230984 times and then they end up right back where you picked them up. I bet you have been doing laundry every day and it still is piled up. Don’t worry I get it!

There is no one more beautiful to me then someone that walks around with their imperfections and owns it! Because what is perfect?? Nothing… we all have something going on, why hide it. Be YOU… always be you.

Don’t ever think that you need to pretend to be someone else, have to run around and clean up the house quickly because I am coming over. Don’t think that you need to change out of your PJs because I am coming over, Girl tell me i will come over in mine! Because lord knows I dont even want to change myself.

You know what, if we show our kids not to hide who they are, maybe they will grow up to not hide their true selves from anyone. Your friends and family and kids dont need a perfect pinterest house, They dont need a outfit that matches or all the same mugs or cups. They just need YOU.

It may be cute to have your kids all dressed in designer clothes, or all the hottest furniture of 2019. Kids grow up fast, they rather you be spending time with them instead of worrying about the house being a mess… Make that fort with them and let them play with those toys, let the sink pile up because your child wants to play cards.

I am okay with everyone seeing who I really am, because it helps me find the ones that truely understand me. The ones that Id rather be around.

I am enough. and so are you!

Accepting the loss of a loved one…

Today is a hard one for me…
4 years ago today my papa passed away.
He was and will forever be the strongest man I know.
He always called me his Krystal Chandelier.

Having a loved one pass is like being a part of a group that you don’t want to join.
Accepting the passing of someone is possible, but it will change you forever.
You can be strong, and look like you are holding everything together but that one thing will remind you of them and its like that feeling just comes flooding back at you all over again.

Accepting that they have passed doesn’t mean that you don’t care, or that their life wasn’t meaningful to you. Just means that you are preparing your heart to live your life to the fullest just like they would want you too. We know it is an unenviable part of life. Talking about death isn’t ever easy because the subject is painful.

On kid’s it can be really hard for them to accept it, or even understand that is happening, but they know and they see. As a parent it is even harder to tell your children what is going on, because you yourself are trying to accept it and understand it.

We think it’s best to hold off and not tell them right away but I feel like it is best to tell them the truth right away. The truth will get them to understand why you are crying and hurting, instead of them trying to figure it out themselves “why is mommy so sad was it me?” Being open about why you are so upset, will help your child mourn with you and understand how to.

Always be prepared to answer questions that might hurt you to answer. Children are still learning how to respond to emotion, how to deal with it, how to accept it, understand it. Sometimes their emotions are different then ours. Sometimes they will try and change the subject because they just don’t understand the emotion they are suppose to respond with. Don’t get mad at them for not talking about it, they are trying.

Don’t throw it at them all at once. Children take information in just a little at a time and coming at them with everything at once will just overwhelm their little minds and hearts. You’ll know how much to tell them by the questions they are asking.

Don’t worry about not knowing all the answers to everything they ask, it is okay to just say “Mommy, doesn’t know the answer to that one” Trying to come up with answers to some hard questions, while you are having trouble keeping it together yourself will be hard. It’s okay to not know all the answers.

Don’t be scared to cry, cry with them. Show them you are crying. It will help them understand that this is a very upsetting time. Let it out, crying is healthy and helps you release the pain.

Let your children grieve in their own way, let them talk about it when they want to, and listen. If they want to be silent about it let them. It is normal for a child to seem unaffected by it. Grieving is different for everyone.

Let them be apart of it the best you can, let them pick out pictures, and talk about fun memories of them. If they are going to the funeral, or celebration of life prepare them for what they will see, lots of upset people, pictures, memories. Even the casket. Explain to them about everything that they will see and hear. Try to get them to understand before they see it.

Most importantly take care of yourself. As parents we tend to keep things bottled up so that our children don’t feel the pain or sadness that we have. Children learn by example, if we show them how to take care of ourselves when all we want to do it crawl into a hole and cry, then they will understand just a little better how to take care of themselves during a critical time.

Becoming a mom helped me find my true friends.

Growing up I remember my close friends at the time would talk about having kids. We would joke and say they would be best friends too.

Besides maybe 2 that stuck with me the others seem to have just vanished. I see their Facebook pictures having adventures and parties while I was dealing with swollen feet and bloat.

I would still get the odd invite but before I couls answer they said “sorry I’m sure you’re busy with baby things. Next time lets catch up” the invites started to slow down to nothing at all.

But honestly it was that moment where I realized who my true friends were. Being pregnant was exhausting and through all the pain and love and worry and excitement I needed those true friends.

As I started raising my own little family I started to forget all those friends that stopped inviting me. I enjoyed my little family but I still longed for frends. Friends I knew that I could count on no matter what.

They would message me far in between tell me their drama and lifestyle and honestly it just seemed exhausting.

I needed someone to relate to a mom friend, someone who understood everything that I was going through. All the ins and outs of parenthood.

Friendships are important, everyone needs their person or their people. So you don’t feel so alone.

Friendships these days are few and far between but they are amazing and beautiful.

The woman who sit there and listen to you complain about your kids and you tell them you want to sell them but they know you dont really but sit there and listen.

The woman who you send 50 text in a row before they even respond but you and they know youll get to them when the kids give back your phone.

The ones that know you need a break so they say “Hey let me take the kids for a bit”

The ones that love your kids like they are you own. The ones that understand if you’re just not feeling it about going out.

The ones that share the good and the bad with you and vise versa and don’t judge you.

The ones that are your village the ones that are your families. The ones that taught me what true friendships are.

Mom Shaming…

Mom shaming has always been a thing, now that social media is huge it has gotten worse or its just put in the spot light because of social media. Honestly to me I feel like its just another way to bully just with a different word. The thing is what people mom shame for is something that they have done or will do once they become a parent . Some of the things that people are shaming for are ridiculous.

For example Meagan Markle the Duchess of Sussex has been in the spot light for some time since she gave birth to her very handsome son Archie. While I understand that they are royals and people are always watching them, But I think the media needs to settle the EFF down. The newest one right now is that she wasn’t holding Archie right, and she didn’t have a hat on him. GOOD LORD give me a break. While breastfeeding my daughter I dropped my phone on her head. She was perfectly fine, mind you she gave me the dirtiest look but never let go of the nipple!

Mom shaming, Dad shaming, Parent shaming needs to end! like yesterday. I cannot stress this enough parenting is hard and it doesn’t help that other moms or other dads sit there on their high horse pretending like they are better then everyone else.

Okay Jackie I get it you feed your child all the healthy food in the world, great thats YOUR parenting… love it! But if Stacy wants to feed her child something completely different then you… PERFECT! Her child is fed and happy. Why the frick does it matter?? Breastfed or Formula fed or both, THEIR BABY WAS FED!! I don’t care what you do as long as that baby is healthy and happy.

Take Kim Kardashian West for example, She got mom shamed because her daughter was wearing make up? DO y’all know the background to that? Maybe her daughter wants to be just like mommy, Beautiful! So it’s okay to put nail polish on babies and their ears done but heaven forbids her wearing make up?? We have some double standards up in here.

So many parents have pictures of their kids that they want to post on social media, me including. That we are to scared to post… oh the floor isn’t has clean as I would like it, oh my child’s doing something that I know ONE person would frown upon it. Celebes rarely have a choice in the matter of what gets posted or not but they shouldn’t be ashamed of their parenting. Yes they have a whole different life style then us being always in the spot light, but they are human just like us. Why should we stop of sharing our kids crazy moments because Jackie the PTA mom wouldn’t approve. So your child ate a fruit loop that you missed when sweeping, meh they will survive! Clearly tell them dude the 5 second rule was up on that one, but its not the end of the world.

As parents in this crazy world we need to stick together. What happened to the village raising the kids? Clearly that went out the window. Now it’s what that lady struggle in the grocery store while their child is freaking out and judge from afar instead of “Hey hun, let me help” or “I see you! been there hun” Nope we judge that mom that forgot snacks for soccer game because she was juggling so much and simply JUST FORGOT!

Carrie underwood! The amazing singer and song writer got mom shamed for WEARING MAKE UP! She was all dolled up and beautiful like always for her sons soccer game. Apparently thats a no no. Girl be you!

Honestly we are damned if we do and damned if we don’t. No matter what there is someone out there that is not going to approve of your lifestyle or your parenting but its time that we ban together, and put this parent shaming to rest once in for all! I want to know what they all get out of it, shaming someone else for their choices? Where does that get you? You have just become a different type of bully. Worse even. Kids do crazy things thats unavoidable. There is no manual to every single kid. The parenting books don’t tell you that your child will eat dirt or play in the toilet when you aren’t looking. Post those pictures that you feel someone will shame you for and watch a lot of parents be like “HA! Right, Candace did the same thing last week!” because you know what we have all been there or will be there. Even if you try your HARDEST you can’t watch them 24 7 like they are the president. They are sneaky and fast! Like little ninjas.

Girl I see you! we are all in this together!

Disney — Inspired Baby Names

We all have been obsessed with disney for years! Even now they are pretty popular. We have all dreamed about being a princess or prince… Even the villains are popular . If you are a member of the Mickey Mouse club and love disneyland, what better way to keep the spirit of disney alive by naming your little bundle of joy a disney name!
Here are some disney inspired baby names.

Girls Names

Abigail – Abigail Gabble from The Aristocats
Adella – The Little Mermaid
Alice – Alice in Wonderland
Anastasia – Anastasia Tremaine from Cinderella
Anna – Frozen
Ariel – Little Mermaid
Belle – Beauty and the Beast
Charlotte – Charlotte La Bouff From The Princess and the Frog
Cleo – Pinocchio
Daisy – Daisy Duck
Ellie Mae – The Rescuers
Elsa – Frozen
Esmeralda – The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Faline – Bambi
Flora – Sleeping Beauty
Georgette – Oliver & Company
Jasmine – Aladdin
Lilo – Lilo & Stitch
Marian – Maid Marian from Robin Hood
Mary – Mary Darling from Peter Pan
Minnie – Minnie Mouse
Nala – The Lion King
Olivia – The Great Mouse Detective
Peg – Lady and the Tramp
Penny – One Hundred and One Dalmatians
Pocahontas – Pocahontas
Rapunzel – Princess Rapunzel from Tangled
Rita – Oliver & Company
Tiana – The Pincess and the frog
Tiger Lilly – Peter Pan
Wendy – Wendy Darling from peter pan
Willow – Grandmother willow From Pocahontas

Boy Names
Aladdin – Aladdin
Apollo – Hercules
Arthur – The Sword in the stone
Ben – Pocahontas
Bernard – The Rescuers
Chip – Chip ‘n’ Dale
Christopher – Christopher Robin from Winnie The Pooh
Clayton – Tarzan
Dale – Chip ‘n’ Dale
David – David Kawena From Lilo & Stitch
Demetrius – Hercules
Donald – Donald Duck
Eric – The little Mermaid
Fenton – Atlantis: The Lost Empire
Flynn – Tangled
Francis – Oliver & Company
Gaston – Beauty and the Beast
George – George Darling from Petter Pan
Gideon – Picnocchio
Gus – From Cinderella
Harvey – Harvey Fenner from The Pincess and the Frog
Hans – Frozen
Henry – Henry Fenner from The Princess and the Frog
Hercules – Hercules
Hermes – Hercules
Horace – Hoace Badun from One Hundred and One Dalmatians
Hubert – Sleeping Beauty
Hugo – The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Lago – Aladdin
Jafar – Aladdin
Jake – The Rescuers Down Under
James – Captain James Hook – Peter Pan
Jasper – One Hundred and One Dalmatians
Jock – Lady and The Tramp
John – Pocahontas
Kristoff – Frozen
Louie – Oliver & Company
Luke – The Rescuers
Maurice – Beauty and the Beast
Max – The Little Mermaid
Maximus – Tangled
Michael – Michael Darling from Peter Pan
Mickey – Mickey Mouse
Mufasa – The Lion King
Olaf– Frozen
Oliver – Oliver & Company
Otto – Robin Hood
Percy – Pocahontas
Petter – Petter Pan
Phillip – Sleeping Beauty
Pumbaa – The Lion King
Rafiki –The Lion King
Rajah – Aladdin
Razoul – Aladdin
Robin – Robin Hood
Roscoe – Oliver & Company
Sebastian – The Little Mermaid
Simba – The Lion King
Stefan – Sleeping Beauty
Sven – Frozen
Tantor – Tarzan
Tarzan – Tarzan
Thomas – The Aristocats
Timon – The Lion King
Timothy – Dumbo
Tito – Oliver & Company
Toby – Robin Hood
Tod – The Fox and the Hound
Toulouse – The Aristocats
Victor – The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Wilbur – The Rescuers Down Under
Winston – Oliver & Company
Zeus – Herculers

Weird things parents say…

Have you ever had those moments where you think “wow I never thought I would say that” Things you say now as a parent I never would have even thought I would say before having kids…

We all know that kids say the weirdest things but what about parents??

“Please do not sit on your sister she is not a couch pillow” His sister took all the pillows so I guess that one was on her! Haha

“Just because the dog licked you doesn’t mean you should lick the dog” In his defence he said he was just kissing the dog back

“Just because your friend told you to pee in the bucket at school doesn’t mean you should” This phone call was nuts.. honestly I had no idea what to even say! Even the teacher was trying not to laugh when she told me!

“Please stop putting peas in the potty and yelling I peed on the potty. can I have a sucker” Good try buddy! That one wont work on me!

“Please stop fingering your belly button while we are trying to eat at the restaurant” The little old lady gave me a weird look at day!

“Stop digging holes in the baseball diamond and sticking your head into it” – Me yelling at my son from the bleachers

“No you cannot lick your sisters eye ball” His sister said her eyes were dry

“Stop screwing people” – Me telling my 4 year old while in home depot he was running around with a screw driver

“Frogs don’t belong in the toilet” – I was about to go pee looked in the toilet and there chilling in the toilet was a frog

“Your penis cannot put out fires” – Me on the phone with my bank, I said this mid sentence and continued talking like nothing happened the lady at the bank died laughing… thank god she has kids, might have went differently

“No you cannot duck tape your brothers mouth because he’s breathing your air” my 10 year old daughter gets annoyed with her brother easy.

If you asked me at 17 would I be saying these things, I would probably laugh at you and say “I would never say these things” Now its just normal. Weird is the new normal!

What kind of weird things have you had to say to your kids?? let me hear them!

One day

“He’s a big boy, you don’t need to do that anymore” “Mom, why do you still want to brush my hair”

Let me do the things just a little longer, I’m not ready for you to grow up.

“You baby them when you sing to them at night” I will sing to them till they no longer need my voice to fall asleep too.

One day in the not so distant future they won’t but right now they still do. I will continue till they no longer need it.

Right now they still need me to make their dinner exactly the way they like it, peel the apple the way they like it. Pick out their clothes. They still like to run and play and pretend they are in a far off land with super powers. I know some day they wont yell “Mommy watch this”

“Mommy, why do you hug me so tight” Because I know one day getting a hug from you will be difficult.

“Why do you care so much how big their birthdays are” Because one day they wont need those big birthday parties

I remember like it was yesterday the day I gave birth to all of them. Where we could lay in bed and I could watch you sleep, or get those cute little hick ups and getting so mad that they wouldn’t stop. I remember their first words, their first steps. I will hold on to those forever because one day it will be your first car, your first house and your first child.

I get teary eye’d just thinking about there will be a day where you wont jump on the bed and say “Mommy can we snuggle” One day you will be too cool for me.

For now you still do.

I know through all this, all my caring and love, you all will become the amazing people that I have always dreamed about. Smart, kind and full of love. Exactly the way I showed you. You wont always need me to do these things, or to tell you how important you will be or you are.

I know somedays I say that I wish you were more independent or that I wish I didn’t have to do all the things, but I cherish every moment because I will love you always.

One day in the not so distant future they won’t but right now they still do. I will continue till they no longer need it.

Top Halloween Costumes for 2019

My kids have been changing their minds as to what they want to be for halloween since last halloween lol They have finally settled (heres hoping) for Ballerina, Hulk, Iron man, Little red riding hood, and our husky Gus as the wolf.
I remember when we were younger it was simple, ghost, princess, TMNT, vampire, now they are they want to be Youtube people… like what?? I am not sure I want my kid to dress up at Blippi? I don’t know about you?
So I was curious about which costumes were so popular!

Coming in at number one… can you guess?? Princess! Which honestly I am not surprised I don’t think this one will ever get old. Every girl and hey even some boys love to be princesses.

Coming in at number 2 is Super heroes! I am not surprised about this one either. Boys and girls will always love the heroic men and woman! Marvel, DC you name it!!

Coming in at number 3 Spiderman, he gets his own spot on the list! He was on the top Halloween costumes 3 years in a row! The web slinging superhero is a little boys and girls dream to be high above the buildings saving people along the way.

Coming in at number 4 is Avengers Characters (aside from spiderman) since the popular movie “end game” came out every child wants to be one of these amazing men or women!

Coming in at number 5 is Batman! This one has always been popular even when I was younger. I don’t think this one will ever get old!

Coming in at number 6 is a witch! Nothing cuter then seeing a little little witch running around with those cute hats and a broom!

Coming in at number 7 Ghost! I remember one year being a ghost, easiest costume I think my parents ever had to make. Bed sheet and cut holes for the eyes! or hey even casper the friendly ghost, who remembers?

Coming in at number 8 Vampire! I was Dracula one year! My best friend wanted to both be princesses but nope she was a princess and I was a vampire!

Coming in at number 9 Frozen! I am surprised that this is so low on the list! With the new Frozen movie coming out. Last Halloween I think every other little girl was Elsa!

Coming in at number 10 Pirate! Who wouldn’t want to wear a eye patch and have treasure! Understandable it would make the most popular list!

Halloween is one of my favourite times of the year! The kids are so happy and excited plus parent tax with the candy!!

I can’t wait! Whatever or whoever your child wants to be, let them express themselves!

Happy Child Happy Mom

Nature — Inspired Baby Names Are Becoming Popular

Baby names have always been really hard for me to figure out, I struggled trying to pick one. I have noticed that there has been a rise in nature inspired baby names so I thought I would do a top 10!

1. Rose
I find this one such a beautiful name, Rose is considered the symbol of “Internal Love”. Roses are often given to love ones to show their love to each other, show your love to your daughter by giving her this beautiful name.

2. Ivy
Ivy is extremely strong, it can grow in a lot of places with standing any condition. Ivy is considered the symbol of “immortality” Give your daughter a strong name so show how strong she can be.

3. Rain
In some cultures rain means “Good Luck” It also means “Abundant Blessings From Above” which is exactly what your child is! Show your little blessing exactly what she means to you by giving them this name.

4. Willow
This one was very popular in 2012, Taken from the name of the beautiful tree, a willow tree is flexible and graceful. What a perfect name to give your child confidence and strength.

5. Storm
Storm has been popular since the 1880s, storm gives off a strong personality. With this name they will become a leader, and carry power throughout his\her life.

6. Reed
Reed actually means nature! With this name your child will have a personality that loves the excitement of life and can easily adapt to all situations. They will be level headed and easy going.

7. Skylar
The name means a deep connection to nature, and the need for perfection. They are courageous and fearless.

8. Forrest
They are extremely idealistic and intuitive, The name was first used in England to indicate a “wanderer of the woods. What way to connect your child to your love of nature by giving him or her this name!

9. Hazel
The formation of the tree is one of crazy contortions and wild curly-Q branches with inconspicuous flowers and nut-like fruits. In Britain hazel was considered the ‘Tree of Knowledge’ with hazelnuts being described as ‘nuts of wisdom’ So give your child some wisdom with this beautiful name!

10. Autumn
This name is very popular in 2019, its in the top 100 names! hey are compassionate people with a strong sensitivity to others. They are able to both educate and inspire. The name just screams beautiful!